Drive-by Crank

Warning: this is a cranky post.

This weekend I drove by something that invariably drive me nuts: a lemonade stand. See photo:


Now, if you find lemonade stands wholesome and cute. If you think they are great ways to teach kids about work ethic and money, let me ask you a few questions.

  • Did the kids pay for the lemonade they are selling: No.
  • Did they make it themselves: No.
  • Did they carry that table to the curb: No.
  • Did they carry the lemonade to the curb: No.
  • Did they make a sign: Yes.
  • Will lots of cars stop and tell them to just keep the change: Yes.
  • Will their parents tell them how proud they are that they worked so hard: Yes.
  • Did I feel super creepy pulling over to snap this picture: Yes.

Next stop, at the intersection near my house they have put up cones for a fundraiser for the junior high swim team. See photo:


This type of fundraiser is common around where I live. They take a corner and ask for donations as you drive through the intersection.

Some questions:

  • Do I think swim club is a worthy cause: Yes
  • Does it stop up traffic: Yes.
  • Were there any junior high kids collecting money: No.
  • Was it their parents standing out there: Yes.
  • Is this the lamest, weakest, most effortless, creativity-free fundraiser imaginable: Yes
  • Is this actually just panhandling: Yes.
  • Did I give them any money: Hell no. Not a goddam dime.

Final question:

  • At the age of 42 have I become a cranky old man: Apparently, yes.