The Ejection of Fan X: Expert Analysis

Our subject: Fan X

IMG_0949

Our analysts:

  • Margaret Mead, noted anthropologist
  • Peter Dimas, expert baseball fan

At a recent Orioles game, I sat next to a fan that was thrown out of the game. To explore this event, I obtained camera footage. I had each of our experts view the video tape and share their observations.

First, here is the video play-by-play. We will call out subject “Fan X”.

  • 0:44: Fan X and Girlfriend stands up to watch a play
  • 1:03: Bearded Dad behind Fan X, asks Girlfriend if she would sit down so his girls (ages 6&8) can see.
  • 1:15: Fan X continues standing. Bearded Dad asks again. Fan X turns and unloads a litany of expletives.
  • 2:11: Usher comes to address Fan X, asking him to calm down. Fan X begins mumbling insults at the usher, continually asking if he is “gay”.
  • 2:41: Usher calls for police officer. Fan X reluctantly exits.
  • 3:38: Fan X becomes hostile and enters melee with 2 police officers. Fan X is forcibly removed.

Now, here is the transcript of each panel member watching the video.

Margaret Mead, noted anthropologist

“Interesting. Hmm. Take note how the young male seems to perceive a threat from the older male. The older male is simply protecting his young, but the young male…I see. Yes. Pause the tape.

“This male, Fan X, is at an event where an entire group of dominant males are on display. This is a threat to him. He’s picking this fight because he has to re-establish his own masculine identity. He’s scared that his mate will opt to leave him for one of the more dominant ballplayers. Interesting. Please proceed.

“Oh…this is fairly surprising. See how he’s resisting the authority of the usher, but at the same time he’s trapped. He seems to understand the rules of his culture, but still he’s desperate to show his manliness before his mate.

“Oh my…and now he’s been publically shamed. He’s submitted to the tribe. He’s been emasculated. Fascinating reaction…Wait…what’s…rewind please.

“Yes! Yes! See now he’s desperate and in full aggression mode. In his small mind he has no choice. He’s sat with his mate and watched superior men, then he submitted to authority and was publicaly shamed. Now he’s without an alternative…he has to physically attack the police officers. He’ll be thrown in jail simply because he thinks his mate will leave him for another male.

“That is fascinating. Did you notice he’s chosen to wear a shirt with the best player on a team that is the most popular? Not unexpected.”

Peter Dimas, expert baseball fan

“What’s he doin’? Wait? Why’s he standin’ up? Oh, and now he’s gettin’ into it with that guy with the two little girls there? Seriously? What a fool. And look…he’s still arguing. Oh and now he’s gonna argue with that usher? Oooh! There he goes! Bye bye! Bye! Later, loser!…Lemme tell ya’, that guy’s no baseball fan. That guy…WAIT! Is he fighting the cops? Why not fight the usher? Or the guy you’re arguin’ with? Pah – I hope they beat his ass good.

“OK….so here are a few things:

1)    This guy is not a real fan. Look at the scoreboard, it’s a tie game in the 9th inning. That’s exciting shit. A real baseball fan isn’t gonna get thrown out right then – they’re gonna watch the game! If it’s 10-1, fine, start some action maybe, but right then? When your team just tied it in the 9th?

2)    Second, you don’t do that shit in front of kids. Have some class. Kids around, don’t act like that. Show some class.

3)    In fact, what’s he doin’ sitting there anyway? Those are good seats. This guy’s wearing a Yanks shirt in Camden Yard, he’s obviously lookin’ for trouble. Sit in the goddamn bleachers, ya’ moron!

“Jeez, Mikey. If you’d brought me instead that other imitation Pete, I woulda punched that guy in the mouth. Which reminds me…”

POP!

“Ahh! What the hell was that for?”

“That’s what you get for goin’ to a game with some other Pete.”

“Are you nuts? My mouth is bleeding.”

“That’s right. Oh…I almost forgot…”

POP!

“Ow!”

“That’s for Jack. For goin’ to Camden Yards without him.”

“You dick.”

“You deserve both of those.”

“I’m gonna have a black eye.”

“Probly. Tee-hee. I love ya’, buddy.”

“You’re a dick. Love you too. Should we go get a brew?”

“Hell yeah.”

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