COVIDing and parenting

The tension has been building. We’ve felt a disturbance in the force for quite some time.

We’re pretty strict about COVID.

Actually – strike that. We’re pretty sensible when it comes to COVID. We follow the scientifically-based guidelines laid out by the state of NJ and the CDC. So we’re not strict – we just seem strict because the town we live in is full of morons.

Actually – let me elaborate. Every weekend in my town there are high school parties in basements that parents (moronic ones) allow. And – shocker – these parties led to a COVID outbreak that shut down the school and ended the soccer season. So we’re not strict, we’re smart. But to Jack, we seem strict. Our rules used to be no being inside houses with friends and masks on/windows open in a car.

But with this latest, moron-induced surge, where a bunch of Jack’s friends got COVID, we tightened things up.

So 2 weeks ago, Jack wants to go to a friend’s house to hang out outside.

What kids? How many? Masks? OK.

And off he goes. But then evidence starts to trickle in that there was a large gathering happening. And there are clues that Jack may have attended. Which means Shani interrogates me, and then I interrogate Jack. After a series of texts he calls me and assures me that he’s only with the kids he mentioned and that they’re not at the big gathering.

Fine. But Shani’s not buying it. I sort of am, but I’m prone to believing Jack so I can avoid the conflict. He comes home and all seems well.

Fast forward two days later. I’m in my bedroom presenting to a client. Shani bursts in holding her phone out like it’s a cross and I’m a vampire. 

Evidence. She’s got an Instagram post of the big outdoor party and there is the side of Jack’s head.


She rushes out and heads down to the basement to bludgeon Jack.

My meeting ends, Shani and I talk. We discuss our actions. We call Jack up, expecting a big talk about trust and lying and parenting and all that. It’s gonna be ugly.

Enter Jack. He sits.

“What’s my punishment?”

“No X-box until Saturday for lying. No seeing friends until COVID is 20 per 100,000. So figure a month at least.”

“OK,” Jack says. Then he gets up, nods, and returns to the basement.

So that’s that, right? But it’s not. Not at all. Tension is higher than ever. Shani sleeps poorly. We have long talks about…I don’t even know what. Jack stays in the basement more than ever. There is a silent murk sitting over everything. The disturbance in the force is ever present. 

Until a few days later, Shani went for a walk with a good friend and they talked about the whole thing. She got a little perspective.

So I’m at the dining room, presenting to a client, and Shani rushes in.

“IhadalongtalkwithHeather andshemadealotofgoodpointsandIthinkweneedtotalktoJackabout…”

I wave her off, finish my meeting, and then she and I have a quick talk. She’s ready to discuss it again with Jack. New approach. We call Jack upstairs. Shani starts.

“I want to reset. I’m really scared of COVID and I’m hard on you. But I’ve been thinking about how hard this is on you and how much you’re missing out on and it just…breaks my heart.”

Then she’s crying. Which sets off a chain reaction.

  1. Jack goes for her and wraps her up.
  2. The DOG goes for her and jumps into her lap.
  3. All this love and hugging makes me start crying.

So we rescind the lockdown. Jack apologizes for lying. We have an open, flowing, authentic conversation about COVID and drinking and pushing boundaries and being safe, and the whole thing clears the air beautifully.

And with that, balance returns to the force.

5 thoughts on “COVIDing and parenting

  1. Difficult times. I’m glad my kids are grown 24 and 21. I felt bulletproof and was rebellious as a teenager. I’m sure a would have made decisions based solely on what I wanted to do.

  2. You’re amazing parents – thank you for sharing. Sorry that your town are idiots, can’t believe you wrote that down! 😉 This is super hard on them. Great job guys!

  3. You guys are super parents and will be rewarded with healthy and happy adult relationships with your sons in your future! Proud of you!

  4. We are right there with you and Shani in the trenches! Many of your words resonated with us…. the state we live in is full of morons, and (my favorite sentence of yours) I have also “headed down to the basement to bludgeon” one of the girls (and the dog joins us because it makes him nervous, producing a compelling visual of the overall tension.) That said, the unexpected sliver linings in this difficult year, such as authentic conversations and being grateful for what you have, are to be treasured. I am so glad that balance returned to the force. My best to you and Shani!

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