My Uncle Byron died late last year and this past weekend we gathered for his funeral service. Our family came from all over the country to pay our respects and to enjoy being together. It was a terrific weekend, but one filled with both affirmations and contradictions. So, I’m going to format this post with that as the that structure.

I’ll start with a simple one, and you’ll see how it works.

Driving in Georgia

Affirmation

I expected driving to be awful, and that was affirmed. Atlanta proved once again to be hell for traffic. On both highways and city streets, we inched along with nothing interesting to look at. Everyone was on their phones. No one had the slightest appreciation for the principle of passing lanes and cruising lanes.

Contradiction

We got an hour outside of Atlanta and suddenly I was flashing along empty highway. I whooshed past spiny lakes, tall Georgia pines, and fields dusted with tiny purple flowers. Shani dozed off, I put on the Allman Brothers, and suddenly I was in heaven. 

See how that works? OK…let’s try another one.

Waffles

Affirmation

Waffles make a delicious breakfast. Our hotel breakfast buffet had a waffle iron, and Shani was delighted to enjoy a hot waffle smothered in sugary syrup.

Contradiction

Two hours later the waffles wore off at the worst possible time. The funeral service concluded with three uniformed officers conducting the flag-folding ceremony. Just then, a shaky Shani leaned over and whispered in my ear.

“I’m having…low blood sugar…That candy bar you have in the car…I need it.”

The instant the funeral ended, I darted out the side door, rushed to the car, snatched up the candy bar, and rushed back in. I found Shani sitting on bench covered in a layer of sweat. She was next to my Uncle Coddy, who had dialysis 12 hours earlier, and Shani actually looked worse than he did. Turns out waffles were a bad idea.

OK, you see how this works, right? Let’s get real.

A Highly Moving, Highly Meaningful Service

Affirmation

Four speakers got up to talk about my Uncle Byron, and all four gave wonderful tributes. 

My Uncle Byron proudly served 30 years in the army. He was happily married for 62 years. He had four terrific kids and a brood of adoring grandchildren. 

He collected “bargains” to the point where he had two barns filled with them. He had lifelong friends, many of whom held him up as the best man they’d ever known. He took in stray dogs and cats and loved them with a giant heart. He orchestrated elaborate pranks on friends, and those pranks were received as the acts of love that they were. 

When the Baldwins were stationed in Taiwan, Byron’s oldest daughter had a friend whose home life was in shambles. Byron took her in as family. She was one of the speakers at the funeral, and credited Byron (and Helen) for saving her life.

Byron was a deeply religious man, and a church leader all his life. He taught youth groups, led charity drives and community support efforts, hosted countless events in his home. He genuinely lived the values that Jesus professes in the bible. Many, many lives were better because of Byron.

And I found myself thinking: “What a testament this man is for the church. What an example he set for the absolute best that Christianity can be.”

I found myself thinking: “Maybe I should get more involved with my church.” 

Contradiction

Then the preacher spoke. He looked over all of us in the crowd.

“I see sinners out there,” he proclaimed. 

He went on to say (with a smile) that if you don’t accept Jesus, you suffer eternal agony and damnation after you die. He said that there were other religions…Buddhists, Muslims, etc…but they were wrong and Christianity was right.

And I found myself thinking: “How is this a tribute to Byron?”

I found myself thinking a lot of other things too. But mostly I found myself really turned off. 

A Wonderful Whirlwind Weekend

Affirmation

My cousins Max and Sam married amazing women and have joyful, zany, beautiful children.

Affirmation

The very presence of my Uncle Coddy, Uncle Bill, Aunt Margo, and Aunt Mary gives me comfort. I somehow bask in the example their lives set.

Affirmation

The wine selection at the Drunken Monkey in Thompson, GA is fairly limited.

Affirmation

Candy today is WAY better than candy in 1946.

Affirmation

If my father hit the lotto jackpot every day for the rest of the year, it still would not touch how lucky he is to have found his wife, Mary. Actually, all of us hit the jackpot with her.

Affirmation

It is physically impossible to not have fun in the presence of my cousins Anne and Carly.

Affirmation

Almost 30 years after her death, my mother’s impact is still felt. A distant relative named Mary Law showed up, came right for me outside the church, and immediately told me how much she still misses my mother.

Affirmation

Cousins have a magic bond. I spent less than five minutes with my cousin David and still the warmth between us was palpable. I spent less than half an hour with my cousin Susie, and we connected like we talked every day. 

Affirmation

My wife and I have so much fun damn together. Being with her makes even the most mundane things memorable for me. We had a 4-hour flight delay on our way home and we sat in the airport having a blast together.

Affirmation

My brother, Chris, is a complete and total butthole.

Contradiction

My brother, Chris, is one of my favorite people in the world.

Affirmation

My family is a chaotic, disparate, jumble of people and I’m deeply grateful for every last one of them in my life. 

Affirmation

I cannot imagine a better life lived than that of my Uncle Byron. He served the country he loved. He spent 60+ years with a wife he loved. His everyday life was surrounded by family and friends that adored him for both his vulnerability and his indomitable strength of character. He died in his home at 86 years of age with his favorite dog lying by his side.

God speed, Uncle Byron.