NOTE: The boys’ photos are at the end. You have to earn it.
It’s spirit week at the boys’ school and today is their absolute favorite part: Crazy Hair Day. At 6 AM the boys got up, ate breakfast and made sure we were at the barber shop nice and early. The whole ride over they giggled and compared ideas for what they were going to do to their hair.
“I’m gonna do a triple Mohawk.”
“I’m going to have them shave and A into my head.”
“That’s what I’m going to do. But I’ll get a J. Then I’ll spike it up and paint it purple.”
“Wait, what if I got them to shave it so there’s just a square of hair left on the front. That would be so awesome.”
It’s really a game-time decision with this. When they got there, Alex told the barber to shave the front half of his head and leave the back half long. Jack opted for the reverse mohawk with the sides spiked up like Wolverine.
This all sounds like fun. I took photos in the front yard. But I want to make it clear that the person that makes this the most fun is:
I will explain by telling you a puke story.
In my early 20s, I lived in LA with a bunch of guys. We did a lot of drinking, which led to a fair amount of puking. This led to the creation of “The Puke Chart.” The Puke Chart was a large poster where we recorded the time, location, distance, volume and description of each puke. Then at the end of the year we all got dressed up and had an awards ceremony. It was quite an honor to win Puke of the Year. In 1995, my friend Chief won it. Here are the details of that glorious achievement:
His friend Josh had just moved out to LA that week and we all went out to a bar about an hour away. Josh drove. We stayed late and drank too much, then all piled into Josh’s car at 2 AM for the ride home. It was a boring ride. Josh had an awful mix tape in. We were falling asleep and passing out. I was riding shotgun and talking with Josh, and I thought it would be funny to take my clothes off. So slowly I managed to take everything off until I was riding naked. Josh had no idea I had done this. We just drove along, chatting. Everyone in the back seat was either passed out or asleep. Then suddenly from the back seat we heard Chief.
The voice was murky and deep. Like he was pretending to speak in slow motion. It sounded like his mouth was stuffed with marshmallows.
“Puwwl….oovaah,” he gargled again. We heard the window being rolled down frantically.
Shooting down the 118 Freeway, Chief hurled out Josh’s window. Josh freaked.
“AAAAH! Are you throwing up?!? Don’t throw up!? AHHH!”
The car swerved wildly as Josh craned his neck around. Then he noticed me.
“You’re NAKED! Why are you naked?!? AHH!”
Everyone was suddenly awake and cackling like Chief’s evil demon sidekicks. It was a truly awesome puke. But really what made it so great wasn’t Chief throwing up. That was pretty average. What made it the Puke of the Year was Josh freaking out. The reaction made the puke.
THUS…on crazy hair day, it is not these haircuts that make it so much fun.
What makes it so fun is Shani. Her intense disapproval and disgust is what makes a pink and blue tonfa so damn fun for Alex.
“Shani, don’t you want to come drop the boys off at school? You can see all the other crazy hair.”
“I find Alex’s hair disturbing and I don’t want any part of this.”
So big thanks to Shani for making Crazy Hair Day the boys’ favorite day of the school year.
11 thoughts on “Crazy Hair Day”
Hilarious. I just want to discredit that the puke chart began in Fredonia, not in California. I’m sure that it still exists somewhere.
I mean discredit that it began in California when it was indeed Fredonia.
I figured someone would call me out on that. Meant no disrespect to my Fredonia readers.
Well, we do need credit where credit is due. As you may recall some of us had to work hard to get on that chart.
I am not sure that look compares to the terrifying look of Ma Nuckols storming into the high school with clippers in hand to clean up your one man let the swim team hack off various bits crazy hair day.
That was a good mix tape.
No. That mix tape was awful. That is fact, not opinion. I recall a 28:34 version of “Tighten Up” by Archie Bell and the Drells. I remember begging in my mind for the song to please end. And then when it finally did, the next song was even worse.
Thanks for that. I had to wipe the laughing tears away to keep reading. You forgot to mention the car’s front bumper was damaged and it only had one headlight driving though pretty rural roads. And the side of the car was nicely decorated by Chief’s regurgatory art.
Alex’s hair is exactly like ancient Celtics monks used to wear it. It isn’t just fun; it’s history!
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At this moment I am ready to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming again to read more news.