So the other day Shani and I were walking the dog, and she was telling me about a situation she was managing at work. But she going into a detail about something that she had already told me.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it,” I said.
“If you don’t want to hear about this…”
“No, it’s just that I know this part already.”
Then she got mad and accused me of being a bad listener. I pointed out that by definition I was a good listener because I remembered that she’d already told me this stuff already. Then she told me it was hard because I never have anything to share, so she has to come up with everything we talk about. And we basically stewed over it for the rest of the day.
It was all kinda silly, but I think it was just a reaction to the fact that more and more it’s just the two of us, and honestly, what the hell are we gonna talk about? I actually gave it some thought while we were stewing. Here’s what we currently talk about.
| Shani’s work with Moms Demand Action | Shani is the Chapter Co-Lead for New Jersey, which is a big job. And because Shani thinks out loud, we’re constantly discussing all the situations she deals with here. I genuinely enjoy this and listen to every word. |
| Shani’s job | Again — Shani thinks out loud, so lots to talk about. I genuinely enjoy this and listen to every word. |
| My job | I usually don’t feel like talking about my job. When something really good or really bad happens, I talk about it – but I spend all day thinking about this stuff. Why do I want to hash through it when I’m not working? |
| The Board of Education | Some of this is confidential, so I don’t talk about that. But most of it is really mundane. I mean, imagine if I said to Shani… “Yeah, the policy about advancement has a lot of nuances, especially between the middle school and the high school because you have to take transportation and scheduling into account.” You didn’t read that whole thing, right? Of course not! Boring. |
| Alex | Talking about Alex is basically complimenting each other about what a wonderful son we’ve raised. And by inference, what wonderful parents we are. It’s fun. But the boy isn’t around much longer. |
| Jack | Jack is living in NYC for the summer, so when we hear from him, it’s breaking news. “I heard from Jack today.” “Really? What did he say?” “I texted and asked how his job was. He texted back and said it was good.” |
| Ozzie | The dog always seems to be doing something funny or dumb or adorable. We talk about that a lot. |
We talk about other stuff too. Books, news, TV shows, friends, relatives, etc. But even still…we’ve got a lot of time to fill each week. And our lives don’t have a lot drama, which is good, but also doesn’t provide much fodder for conversation.
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I’m not bored though. Not at all. And I love being around her. I mean, on a fundamental, visceral level, being in Shani’s presence makes me happy. When we’re walking the dog, when we’re cooking dinner, even when we’re in the car and she’s on her phone not paying attention to me at all, I like having her there so much.
It’s not just familiarity either; it’s not just because I’m used to her. It’s because she’s her. She’s funny, and she looks at things in such a cool way, and she never just complains, she always acts.
Falling in love is easy. But being in love is something else.
And we’re in love.
So we’ve got that going for us, even if our conversations are boring.
NuckolBall 